Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
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Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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