He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
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Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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