Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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