I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
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