I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
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My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
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She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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