I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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