Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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