I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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