do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a little drunk in my system
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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