He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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