i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
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I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
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Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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