omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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