I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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