does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
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