thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It was confusing and full of hummus
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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