its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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