I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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