So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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