Just fell off a train. Bad.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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