it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize