the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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