Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize