Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize