how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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