yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize