you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
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STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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