I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize