Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just cropdusted the office
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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