my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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