If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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