Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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