Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
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You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
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Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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