I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize