My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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