someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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