just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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