2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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