Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Dear god my vagina.
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