If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize