well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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