mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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