I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
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Are my feet made of real feet?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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