Swine flu is the new snow day.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
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Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
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I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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