I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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