So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
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So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
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It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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