Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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