just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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