By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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