I haven't been this sober since birth.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize