My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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